I first wrote this original article three years ago. At the time, I shared my personal experience of losing my son, Joshua, and how his birthday, 23rd March, will never be just another day.
Three years later, its relevance remains. Grief does not fade. Child loss is not something we “move on” from. It shapes us, lingers in unexpected ways, and changes our lives.
But this year, as I reflect once again on Josh’s birthday, his 23rd, I bring a new perspective. Through my work with safeguarding and mental health experts, I have gained a deeper understanding of how child bereavement uniquely affects families, communities, and the way we navigate the world after loss. This loss has a lifelong impact, it changes us and requires significant recognition and support for those who carry this grief.
Just another day or is it?
The 23rd of March is just another day in my diary, another date on the calendar. For most people, it bears no special significance. This year it is a Sunday, the first real signs of spring arriving in the UK, the roadsides bursting with daffodils.
But for me, the 23rd of March is more than a date, it is a resilience reminder, a day of reflection, of remembering, and of love.
This year, Josh would have been 23. Another birthday missed. Another year of wondering who he might have become. Another year of loving him just as fiercely as the day he was born.
Losing a Child – A Grief Like No Other
There is no word in the English language for a parent who has lost a child. We have ‘widow’ and ‘orphan,’ but nothing to name this kind of grief, perhaps because it is too painful to define.
Losing a child, at any age, is a grief like no other. Whether they are a baby, a teenager, or an adult, they are still your child. The love we hold for them is lifelong, unconditional, and deeply ingrained in our identity. When that bond is shattered, we are left grieving not just who they were, but the future they were meant to have, the milestones, the memories, the moments that should have been.
For those who lose an adult child, the world often assumes the grief is easier because they were older, their death is somehow less devastating. But the pain of child loss is not measured in age. A parent’s love does not lessen as the years pass. Whether they were 3, 30, or 60, they were still our child. The ache of their absence and the need to honour their life never fades.
A Crossroads That Changed Everything
On 23rd March 2002, my son Joshua was born joyfully at home. The day was like today, with the warmth and smell of spring. A little brother for my other son. I remember the overwhelming gratitude that he had arrived safely, perfect and new, my tiger mother instinct swelling with pride and love.
Little did I know that a month later, he would no longer be with us. Taken too soon after contracting a mystery virus. After three nightmare weeks at Great Ormond Street Hospital, we said our goodbyes on 23rd April 2002, ironically, St. George’s Day.
Every year since, I have never known quite how I will “be” on his birthday. Some years, the day passes in a quiet hum, like the bees awakening; other years, I am swallowed by reflection. But with time, I have come to understand something profound: Josh’s short life shaped not just my grief, but my resilience.
His loss changed me in ways I never anticipated. It shaped who I became as a mother, as a friend, a wife, a colleague. It showed me who would stand beside me, and who would quietly step away. It pushed me forward when I thought I could go no further.
I had two choices: to give up or to flourish and I wanted to make his life significant. To know that his presence in this world, however brief, had made a difference.
So, with determination and Josh beside me in spirit, I set a mission to fundraise for Great Ormond Street Hospital. With my wonderful friends and family, we have raised over £45,000 eventually funding a ventilator for the Intensive Care Unit, supporting the hospital’s incredible work and ensuring that Josh’s name lives on in a way that helps others.
The Complexity of Child Bereavement
The loss of a child is different from any other loss, and not everyone understands how much so.
- The loss of a future – When a child dies, we don’t just grieve who they were, but also who they were meant to become. Their birthdays, their achievements, their presence in our lives, all the things we should have celebrated are suddenly gone.
- An unnatural order – We are conditioned to believe that parents should not outlive their children. Losing a child shatters that expectation and leaves us feeling lost, navigating a world that no longer makes sense.
- A different kind of isolation – Many people struggle to know what to say or how to support bereaved parents. Some avoid the conversation altogether, unintentionally deepening the loneliness that comes with this loss.
Grief is complicated. In the early days, it felt like learning to walk again, just putting one foot in front of the other, seeking reassurance that it was okay to laugh again. Some people did not know how to talk to me. Some even crossed the road to avoid awkwardness.
But I knew I did not want to live in the shadows. I would not be defined by loss alone.
And so, alongside honouring Josh, I reshaped myself. My fundraising efforts led me into unexpected career paths, studying a master’s degree, becoming a teacher, and eventually various Director roles supporting schools, individuals, charities and not-for-profit organisations. Helping young people became my mission, my core belief if you like. Josh changed my life in ways I never anticipated.
I am the proud mother of two incredible sons, Adam and Oliver, and two fabulous stepchildren, Georgia and Ross all of who continue to inspire us every day. I am now married to the most incredible human, my husband, my rock, who provides me with unwavering love and support.
A Birthday Remembered – The Love That Never Fades
Some may wonder why we still mark the birthdays of those who are no longer here. But for parents who have lost a child, these days are never just another day. They remain etched in our hearts, the day they arrived, the day they changed our world.
So this year, on what would have been Josh’s 23rd birthday, I will celebrate. Not in a way I once imagined, but in a way that still holds love.
Perhaps a picnic in the graveyard, close to him, with my husband and our chocolate Labrador. Hopefully the sun will shine because no matter how many years pass, his life mattered. His love remains and just like every year, we celebrate him.
For Those Who Have Walked This Path
If you are reading this and have lost a child, I want you to know, you are not alone. This grief is lifelong, but so is the love. Your child’s existence mattered and so does your grief. I hope this helps.
And if you know someone who has experienced this loss, please, don’t be afraid to walk beside them in it.
We all have significant anniversaries for so many reasons, dates that take us back to happiness or pain. What did we learn? Perhaps we need to consider people around us and try to be aware that it could be a resilience reminder day for them too. For me the 23rd March, can never be “just another day”. It is a day of reflection, my resilience reminder but also a day for celebration and joy. Joshua would be 23 this week, a young man now embarking on his adulthood. At least I know he made a difference. I like to think of him as my very own star, and on his gravestone, it says:
“A tiny star lent not given, to shine on earth and twinkle in heaven”
Our children are precious. Go hug them a bit longer. Shut down your laptop this weekend, put down your phone, go kick that ball, push that swing, or bake that cake with them.
Don’t let today be just another day.
The original article can be found on Linkedin published 20 March 2025 https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/love-never-fades-georgie-mcintyre-em5we/?trackingId=WqfcvHrkS2awGKs0y7Ez7A%3D%3D
